"Single and Lonely?"

I was thinking today about how much my life has changed in the past two years.  That's because it's just over two years ago since I met my new husband, David.  But you see, this is a second marriage for both of us.  My first marriage ended in the early 1990s, so I spent many years (20, actually) as a single person.  I was also a mother raising a young son, and my focus was largely on making sure he grew up unscathed, indeed that he thrived.  Hurray!  That goal was met, and it was time for me, so said my friends, to focus on ME.

Easier said than done, as anyone in the single, dating world knows -- whether you're divorced, a widow, a parent, or never been in a long-term relationship at all.  Where to begin?  Especially if it's been a long time since you dipped your toes into the dating ocean out there!

First of all I'd call attention to the title of this piece.  Do you necessarily have to be lonely just because you're single?  I think that if I had felt lonely when I started "making myself available to meet men," I never would have met my match.  I know it's cliche, but I really believe (and know, through personal experience) that you have to be WHOLE yourself, comfortable with your solitude (vs. loneliness) in order to be able to find and thrive in a healthy relationship.

My attitude when I started out was, "Look, I have a wonderful, happy life.  I have a great son, wonderful parents and extended family, more than my fair share of friends, my health, and work that I love.  If I happen to meet a man and it works out, great... it will be icing on the cake.  If I don't, I'll still have this wonderful life I started out with."

Well, the ironic thing is that by approaching the "dating game" with that attitude, not only did I find a fabulous guy, but I learned that he is NOT the "icing on the cake."  He is a big, delicious, generous piece of the cake.

But you can't have that cake if you don't first have all the ingredients and recipes necessary to make yourself a healthful, nutritious first course meal.  Translation: Work on your "stuff" first, get your own house in order, and then you'll be ready to share it with just the right person... and you'll be in a position to know who that person is!

Happy Hunting... but here's to your happiness as you hunt!