“Friends… and Friends”

 by Lisa Marian Ames, M.P.S., CPC

I’ve been thinking about friendship lately.  It came sharply into focus the evening, a few weeks ago, when my husband and I met some dear old friends for dinner.  We hadn’t seen them for almost a year, and the four hours we spent with them could not have been more fun, more uplifting to the very core.

Why, I often ask myself, don’t I make it a point to see such close friends more often?  I think the answer is at least two-fold, but insufficient to ease my regret.  For one thing, I moved enough of a geographic distance two years ago to make the logistics of getting together with friends more difficult, especially since I also remarried and have been adjusting to life as part of a “couple” again after many years of being single.  For another, because of the move (in with my husband, obviously), I have now found myself in the position of trying to make new friends closer to my new home.

But does any of this diminish the precious nature of friendship – new or old – or lessen the importance of close friendship in one’s life?  Hardly.  It therefore becomes a necessary balancing act – too often neglected or lost in the tension and flurry of activity of everyday life – to figure out ways to fan the flames of old friendships while at the same time pouring one’s energy into forging new ones.  And often, when one has recently moved, this dichotomy presents a conflict.  One has only so much time and energy.  I realize that I’ve tended to focus more on keeping in touch with family, “growing into” my new home and new work… and friendships have inadvertently taken a back seat.  But now that I’ve noticed this, I intend to do my best to rectify it.  

At the same time, as much as it pains me to admit this to myself, I’m going to have to let certain “friends” go, and let go of any guilt associated with doing so.  After all, let’s face it – there are friendships and there are friendships.  We know, deep down, which are real, which are the friendships that truly enrich our lives.  We also know which are based on convenience more than commonality, workplace rather than kindred spirit, Facebook and other social media but not true face-to-face interaction.  In short, in order to focus more on true friendships, I’ll simply have to spend less personal capital on pursuing acquaintances.

Trying to keep up with too many “so-called” friends – even those who never reciprocate (and we all have those!) – left me feeling exhausted, torn, and frustrated.  And then it dawned on me – that is NOT what friendship’s supposed to be about!  What I need to do – for both my sake and my true friends’ – is to step back, take a deep breath, and let things flow… the way they’re supposed to.  The people with whom I’d like to develop or maintain friendships are not going anywhere.  They’re always with me, just like the friends we dined with those weeks ago.  Just like the childhood friends I saw at a mini-reunion this past weekend, some of whom I hadn’t seen in years.  And just like the lovely new neighbors I’m meeting right here in Panther Valley – with whom I’m already beginning to feel a special kinship.

 
Friendship.  It certainly is precious, and deserving of a prominent place in our lives.  It adds to the happiness quotient.  And when true and real, it’s downright love-ly.